Story of abuse strikes home

classic behavior of the battered women

Dear Robyn Rihanna Fentry:
I was maybe 7 years old when this happened.
My old man had been kicked out of the house for being an abuser and a cheat. Now, here he comes a few days later, begging forgiveness. Mom wouldn’t open the door, so he pleaded his case through the mail slot, promising to do better, promising to change. mom stood firm. I, on the other hand , stood bawling like, well…a kid who missed his dad.
“Dad, I want you to come home,” I wailed.
“I want to,” he said, “but your mother won’t let me.”
So naturally, I turned on her. “Mom, why won’t you let Dad come home?”
Still she held out. Finally, he left our door. We watched him walk toward the car. Halfway to the curb, though, he was seized by some dark impulse that wheeled him around and sent him hurling toward the window. I ducked before he kicked it in, Mom didn’t.
She took him back not long afterward. And he beat her on a regular basis until the day, about eight years later, terminal cancer rendered him to weak to do so. I’ve always regretted whatever part of me caterwauling played in influencing her to let him return.
Ms Fenty, I know you’ve got a lot of people in your business right now, each with an opinion about how you should run your life. I would only beg you to try to hear what you are being told: If this guy did what you did what you say he did, you need to drop him like a rock. “This guy,” of course, being your boyfriend, singer Chris Brown. Last week, court papers were released detailing the alleged Feb. 8 altercation between the two of you. They tell how you and Brown, 19, were in a Lamborghini, leaving a music industry party in Beverly Hills, when you confronted him about a text message on his phone from his old girlfriend. How he allegedly told you he was going to beat the expletive deleted out of you when he got you home. How he allegedly pushed your head against the window, punched you with his right fist while steering with his left. How he allegedly choked (strangled) you, through your phone out of the window(interfering with 911), put you in a headlock, bit you.
You can understand, perhaps, why many of us find it incomprehensible that you were reportedly spotted with him apparently reconciled, just days later. Incomprehensible, yet not surprising at all. On the contrary, it is the classic behavior of the battered women. They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one time thing. They tell themselves he really is a good guy at heart. They tell themselves their love will change him.
They tell themselves everything but the truth: that the man they love is damaged and dysfunctional. And that, absent some intense and committed therapy, he will do it again.
Yes, you’re right. I’ve got a nerve. I don’t know you. Indeed, before this incident, I barely knew of you.
But this issue strikes a resonant chord with me for obvious reasons. You deserve—everyone deserves—to be with someone you don’t have to fear, someone who will not abuse.
Written by Leonard Pitts columnist for the Miami Herald E-mail lpitts@miamiherald.com

Turtle Mountain Tribune

My wife lost her uncle Kae-Kaek Morin last week. The family wants a Catholic burial. The family has a family cemetery behind Aunt Pumpkin’s home and wanted to bury uncle there. This is what he wanted. The Church (St. Anns) would not allow uncle to be buried there unless the cemetery was recognized. They refused to have the funeral mass!

I find this disheartening. This is the third time that I am aware of where a grieving family has had to make issue with this church over burials. Our family was involved in each instance. Today, Wanda and I went to tribal office to talk to councilmen and informed them of the American Indian Religious Freedom Act (they didn’t know it existed…I wasn’t surprised) and talked about tribal custom and the importance of the tribe to recognize the will of the people.

Well, today the tribal council passed a resolution officially recognizing the “White Wolf” cemetery behind Aunt Pumpkin’s home. Looks like we will have a funeral after all.

The council is also passing a generic resolution declaring that all family cemeteries established on the reservation are officially recognized. Finally. Now, the church can’t complain anymore. Those complaints by the church are really harmful to people and families that are grieving.
Good work Andy! I am not surprised of all of those things you discussed and the lack of knowledge. You’d be surprised over the number of folks that don’t know NAGPRA or AIPRA even exist!!!! I am everyday.

Because Knowledge is Power

If you need information on domestic violence, step by step procedures on filing restraining orders or injunctions or need forms to print out for your State just click on WomensLaw.org. under the blogroll.

Helping kids who have witnessed Domestic Violence

To Help Kids Who Have Witnessed Domestic Violence.

• Provide them with a space to talk about what happened. Younger kids may lack the ability to express their emotions. Perhaps propose drawing activities to help them express themselves and what happened. Do not push the child to talk, he will in his own time. Rather, create an atmosphere which is favorable to confidence and the expression of emotions.
• Do not make promises to “keep the secret” because if the child divulges abuse on himself (or herself), you won’t be able to keep that promise. Rather, tell the child that he/she is safe with you and that if there is something he/she would like to talk about, you will be able to help.
• Tell the child it wasn’t her/his fault.
• If the child shows violent behaviors it is important to take position against violence, in all its shapes or forms. However, it is important to remember that most children who suffer from PTSD will act out and thus, their “violence” is not a sign that the child is himself “violent like his father”. In this sense, it is important to give the child a space to express his anger and feelings in non-threatening ways. These children do not need to be disciplined, they need to be understood.
• Give the child some time to open up to you. His/her trust has been harshly tested and it may take them time to open up to your efforts.
• It may be important to seek professional consultation for children who have witnessed domestic violence.

Advocate Available

Hello, my name is Andrea and I have been a victim advocate at this program for nearly ten years now. I primarily work with victims of domestic violence and sexual assaults. I guess you could say that I specialize in legal advocacy, as I have worked through countless domestic violence and sexual assault trials through our local District Attorneys office. I have provided expert testimony in some pretty serious trials in the state of wisconsin. I also provide statewide education, law enforcement training, and I coordinate our local batterers program.

I just wanted to offer my assistance to anyone that may visit this site that may be in need of assistance, or may have questions that they want to ask. You can call the number provided here (we are a national referral networking program) or you can post a comment or send me a message at sa-advocate@hotmail.com.

I will do my best to assist you in anyway I possibly can. Thank you for visiting our site!

~Andrea