Teenagers Check This Out!

Quiz Your Relationship

• Does your boyfriend/girlfriend have a bad temper? Do they take their anger out on pets and objects….punching walls, slamming doors,throwing things or hurting animals? Ask yourself….How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is fear that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
• Is he/she always asking you where you went, who you were with, what your were doing, what you were talking about? Ask yourself…. How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is humiliation that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
• Does he/she use alcohol or drugs? Ask yourself…. How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is insecurity that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
• Is he/she telling you that you don’t know anything and that they know better than you? Ask yourself…. How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is inadequacy that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
• Is he/she telling you that they want total commitment from you unusually early on in the relationship and planning marriage along comes baby? Ask your self….How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is confusion that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
  
• Is he/she telling you to do things that you know in your head and heart are wrong? Does he/she encourage you to lie, disobey, and disregard your parents/family? Ask yourself…. How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If it is shame that you feel then it is with out a doubt not love.
• Does he/she disregard you when you say “NO” and force you to have sex?…. Ask yourself…. How do I feel when my partner is acting this way? If is all the feeling above then it is with out a doubt not love.
  

Escalating of Violence

verbal abuse

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throwing things, punching walls

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pushing, shoving, grabbing, throwing things at the victim

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slapping with open hand

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kicking, biting

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hitting with closed fist

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attempted strangulation

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beating up-pin to the wall, floor, repeated kicks, multiple punches

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threats with a weapon

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assaults with a weapon

Many abusers do not use violence until other forms of control have failed. If law enforcement is called to the scene of an attempted strangulation it is probable that most of the lessor acts have occurred in prior incidents whether reported or not.

Tactics Used by Abusers

USING FAMILY MEMBERS

Magnifies disagreements-misleads family members about the extent and nature of illness/conditions-excludes or denies access to family-forces family to keep secrets-threatens and denies access to grandchildren-leaves grandchildren with grandparent without honoring grandparents needs and wishes

RIDICULES PERSONAL & CULTURAL VALUES

Ridicules personal/cultural values-makes fun of a person’s racial background-sexual preference or ethnic background-entices or forces to lie/commit a crime or do other acts that go against the victim’s value system

ISOLATION

Controls what victim does/whom they see/and where they go-limits time with friends and family-denies access to phone or mail- fails to visit or make contact

USING PRIVILEGE

Treats victim like servant-males all major decisions-ignores needs/wants/desires-undervalues victim’s life experience-takes advantage of community status,i.e. racial/sexual/orientation/gender/economic

FINANCIAL EXPLOITATION

Steals money/titles/or possessions-takes over accounts and bills and spending without permission-abuses a power of attorney-tells elder money is needed to repay drug dealer to stay safe

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Slaps-hits-punches-throws things-burns-chokes-breaks bones-creates hazards-bumps and/or trips-forces unwanted physical activity-pinches/pulls hair/twist limbs-restrains

SEXUAL ABUSE

Makes demeaning remarks about intimate body parts-is rough with intimate body parts during care giving-takes advantage of physical or mental illness to engage in sex-forces sex acts that make victim feel uncomfortable and/or against victim’s wishes/forces victim to watch pornography on television and/or computer

PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

Withholds affection-publicly humiliates or behaves in a condescending manner

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Humiliates-demeans-ridicules-yells-insults-calls names-degrades-blames-uses silence or profanity

THREATENING

Threatens to leave and never see elder again-threatens to divorce or not divorce-threatens to commit suicide-threatens to institutionalize-abuses or kills pet or prized livestock-destroys or takes property-displays or threatens with weapons

TARGETING VULNERABILITIES

Takes or move walker/wheelchair/glasses/dentures-takes advantage of confusion-makes victim miss medical appointments

NEGLECTING

Denies or creates long waits for/food/heat/care or medication-does not report medical problems-understands but fails to follow medical/therapy or safety recommendations-refuses to dress or dresses inappropriately

DENIES ACCESS TO SPIRITUAL TRADITIONS/EVENTS

Denies access to ceremonial traditions or church-ignores religious traditions-prevents from practicing traditional ceremonies/events