Story of abuse strikes home

classic behavior of the battered women

Dear Robyn Rihanna Fentry:
I was maybe 7 years old when this happened.
My old man had been kicked out of the house for being an abuser and a cheat. Now, here he comes a few days later, begging forgiveness. Mom wouldn’t open the door, so he pleaded his case through the mail slot, promising to do better, promising to change. mom stood firm. I, on the other hand , stood bawling like, well…a kid who missed his dad.
“Dad, I want you to come home,” I wailed.
“I want to,” he said, “but your mother won’t let me.”
So naturally, I turned on her. “Mom, why won’t you let Dad come home?”
Still she held out. Finally, he left our door. We watched him walk toward the car. Halfway to the curb, though, he was seized by some dark impulse that wheeled him around and sent him hurling toward the window. I ducked before he kicked it in, Mom didn’t.
She took him back not long afterward. And he beat her on a regular basis until the day, about eight years later, terminal cancer rendered him to weak to do so. I’ve always regretted whatever part of me caterwauling played in influencing her to let him return.
Ms Fenty, I know you’ve got a lot of people in your business right now, each with an opinion about how you should run your life. I would only beg you to try to hear what you are being told: If this guy did what you did what you say he did, you need to drop him like a rock. “This guy,” of course, being your boyfriend, singer Chris Brown. Last week, court papers were released detailing the alleged Feb. 8 altercation between the two of you. They tell how you and Brown, 19, were in a Lamborghini, leaving a music industry party in Beverly Hills, when you confronted him about a text message on his phone from his old girlfriend. How he allegedly told you he was going to beat the expletive deleted out of you when he got you home. How he allegedly pushed your head against the window, punched you with his right fist while steering with his left. How he allegedly choked (strangled) you, through your phone out of the window(interfering with 911), put you in a headlock, bit you.
You can understand, perhaps, why many of us find it incomprehensible that you were reportedly spotted with him apparently reconciled, just days later. Incomprehensible, yet not surprising at all. On the contrary, it is the classic behavior of the battered women. They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one time thing. They tell themselves he really is a good guy at heart. They tell themselves their love will change him.
They tell themselves everything but the truth: that the man they love is damaged and dysfunctional. And that, absent some intense and committed therapy, he will do it again.
Yes, you’re right. I’ve got a nerve. I don’t know you. Indeed, before this incident, I barely knew of you.
But this issue strikes a resonant chord with me for obvious reasons. You deserve—everyone deserves—to be with someone you don’t have to fear, someone who will not abuse.
Written by Leonard Pitts columnist for the Miami Herald E-mail lpitts@miamiherald.com

Mother of starved infant had faced earlier charges

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
2/7/2009
By Crocker Stephenson

Vera Morehouse, who police say allowed her infant son to starve to death, was charged earlier with intentionally running over the child’s father weeks before a case worker left her children with her without providing additional safety services, according to court records and a report released Friday.
Morehouse was charges earlier in April with misdemeanor neglect….one of her children a 6 year old boy was found sleeping on a playground bench near her apartment at about 7 p.m., Morehouse was not home.

…..Milwaukee Child Welfare was notified….the 6th referral the bureau had received….since 2005 and the second that month.
…..It is unclear if, the caseworker was aware Morehouse had been charged March 29 with second-degree recklessly endangering safety.
According to the complaint filed in the case, Morehouse loaded her children into her car looking for their father…..she found him with his girlfriend…..she tried to drop the children off with him…..he refused….she took the children out of the car…..drove over the curb…..children watching…..and hit him…..he landed on the hood smashing the windshield.
Morehouse was pregnant at the time with a son born June 1…..the boy spent most of his life strapped into a car seat, and died of starvation.
…..among the findings is that the caseworker had not tried hard enough to help the family.
“The failure to act is inexcusable”, said Cyrus Behroozi, Children and Families Administrator.
Less than two months after her son’s death on September 20, Morehouse attacked and stabbed babies father’s pregnant girlfriend she was charged with substantial battery while armed……she threatened her and stated she was going to kill her and “stomp the baby out of her”…..the girlfriend ran and got stabbed in the buttocks.
Morehouse was also charged with violating a restraining order filed by the girlfriend two days earlier.
WHAT AM I THINKING…..NEVER GIVE UP…..USE EVERY RESOURCE AVAILABLE…..AND “GOD BLESS THE CHILD…..”!

Re: Witnessing Domestic Violence Search….

What to do?

First and most importantly…..call the police.
File a police report of what you’ve witnessed.
Dial 911 !
Be proactive……STOP THE VIOLENCE!
YOU MAY BE SAVING A LIFE OR MORE.

Hitting Can Have Serious Consequenses!

Dunseith Woman Found Guilty of Involuntary Manslaughter

MINOT – United States Attorney Drew H. Wrigley announced that on September 12, 2008, Chelsey P. Amyotte, 18, of Dunseith, North Dakota, was found guilty by a federal jury on charges of involuntary manslaughter and assault resulting in serious bodily injury. United States District Court Chief Judge Daniel L. Hovland presided over the case.

On November 4, 2007, in East Dunseith Housing, Amyotte and co-defendant Justin R. Beston argued with and assaulted 49-year-old Danielle Baker. Amyotte and Beston struck the victim in the head and face with their fists. The victim died as a result of the assault and an autopsy indicated that she suffered a torn vertebral artery and severed brain stem.

Beston, 28, of Dunseith, North Dakota, pleaded guilty to second degree murder on August 28, 2008. The charge of second degree murder carries a statutory maximum penalty of life imprisonment and a $250,000 fine.

In Amyotte’s case, the charge of involuntary manslaughter carries a statutory maximum penalty of six years of imprisonment and a $250,000 fine. The charge of assault resulting in serious bodily injury carries a statutory maximum penalty of ten years of imprisonment and a $250,000 fine.

The case was investigated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Bureau of Indian Affairs – Turtle Mountain Agency.

Sentencing for Amyotte and Beston has been scheduled for December 1, 2008, in United States District Court in Minot, North Dakota.

Assistant United States Attorneys David Hagler and Brandi Sasse Russell are prosecuting the case.

Sensitivity To Victim Needs

As proffessional, it is our responsibility to suspend judgement regardless of the circimstance. Treat each victim with respect and acknowledge the courage and strengths they have exhibited for reporting and seeking our services.

Sexual assault victims experience varying degrees of psychological trauma. An individual’s perception of how a sexual assault victim should look, dress or act, and the way those perceptions are conveyed can have significant effect upon the victim’s recovery process in the weeks and months following the crime. Each person has his or her method of coping with sudden stress. When severly traumatized, victims can appear calm, indifferent, submissive, angry, or even uncooperative and hostile toward those who are trying to help. Misinterpretations of a victim’s reaction to their assault may lead to further trauma and hinder the interview, evidence collection or legal proceedings.

Listed below are some of the feelings that may be felt by victims:

• Fear of offender
• Fear of what family and friends might think
• Fear of others finding out
• Guilt and feelings that she or he is responsible for the assault
• Sense of vulnerability and general fear of people
• Loss of control over her or his own life
• Embarrassment
• Anxiety
• Concern for the offender’s well being, especially in cases of acquaintance or spousal rape
• Shame-loss of self respect
• Stupidity or foolishness
• Anger
• Confusion
• Sexual Assault Crisis line (920) 436 8899 24 hours

Incest-Drug endangered babies-child abuse

WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A

TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.

WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

National Teen Dating Violence Week February 4-8, 2008

 Teenagers did you know that……

1. You don’t have to wear a black eye for your relationship to be abusive.
2. Calling you names like idiot, and threatening you, as well as talking down to you is verbal abuse.
3. Being pushed, shoved, slapped, punched, hair pulling, scratched,or your physical property is being destroyed is physical abuse.
4. Violent sex, unwanted sex, date rape, sexual contact that does not include the act of intercourse is sexual assault and is against the law.

Helping kids who have witnessed Domestic Violence

To Help Kids Who Have Witnessed Domestic Violence.

• Provide them with a space to talk about what happened. Younger kids may lack the ability to express their emotions. Perhaps propose drawing activities to help them express themselves and what happened. Do not push the child to talk, he will in his own time. Rather, create an atmosphere which is favorable to confidence and the expression of emotions.
• Do not make promises to “keep the secret” because if the child divulges abuse on himself (or herself), you won’t be able to keep that promise. Rather, tell the child that he/she is safe with you and that if there is something he/she would like to talk about, you will be able to help.
• Tell the child it wasn’t her/his fault.
• If the child shows violent behaviors it is important to take position against violence, in all its shapes or forms. However, it is important to remember that most children who suffer from PTSD will act out and thus, their “violence” is not a sign that the child is himself “violent like his father”. In this sense, it is important to give the child a space to express his anger and feelings in non-threatening ways. These children do not need to be disciplined, they need to be understood.
• Give the child some time to open up to you. His/her trust has been harshly tested and it may take them time to open up to your efforts.
• It may be important to seek professional consultation for children who have witnessed domestic violence.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children

Traumatic stress is produced by exposure to events that are so extreme or severe and threatening, that they demand extraordinary coping efforts. Such events are often unpredicted and uncontrollable. They overwhelm a person’s sense of safety and security. Children are more at risk for post traumatic stress disorder than adults because they lack the cognitive abilities as well as the emotional understanding that helps people cope with traumatic events such as witnessing battering. From the point of view of a child, domestic violence is more than “daddy hits mommy” or “daddy says that mommy is stupid”. From their point of view, their main attachment figure and source of life is being attacked and hurt by an equally loved adult who alternates between acts of violence and acts of love. This is all very confusing for children to witness.

More than half of the school-age children in domestic violence shelters show clinical levels of anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (Graham-Bermann, 1994). Without treatment, these children are at significant risk for delinquency, substance abuse, school drop-out, and difficulties in their own relationships.

Children may exhibit a wide range of reactions to exposure to violence in their home. Younger children (e.g., pre-school and kindergarten) oftentimes, do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe and tend to believe that they “must have done something wrong.” Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety. It is important to consider that children, especially younger children, typically do not have the ability to adequately express their feelings verbally. Consequently, the manifestation of these emotions are often behavioral. Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints (e.g., headaches) are all common.

Unlike younger children, the pre-adolescent child typically has greater ability to externalize negative emotions (e.g., to verbalize). In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety (e.g., sleep problems, eating disturbance, nightmares), victims within this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self-concept, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior in the school setting. It is also common to observe temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence (e.g., “give me a pen or I will smack you”), and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members. Incidentally, girls are more likely to exhibit withdrawal and unfortunately, run the risk of being overlooked as a child in need of support.

Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school drop-out, delinquency, and substance abuse. Some investigators have suggested that a history of family violence or abuse is the most significant difference between delinquent and non delinquent youth. An estimated 1/5 to 1/3 of all teenagers who are involved in dating relationships are regularly abusing or being abused by their partners verbally, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and/or physically (SASS, 1996).

Boys to Men witnessing Domestic Violence

Witnessing Domestic Violence in childhood  and Violence Later in Life

Men who have witnessed their parents domestic violence are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than children of non-violent parents, with the sons of the most violent parents being 1000 times more likely to become perpetrators of domestic abuse.
(Straus, M.A., Gelles, R.J. & Steinmetz, S. Behind closed Doors. Doubleday, Anchor. 1980)

Memories of men in Lock Up Raw on MSNBC on death row and those with life sentances with out parole have grown up in violent homes.