Category Archives: bullying

Bullying isn’t always obvious in any circumstance or age.

Many of us think we know bullying when we see it but in adult situations it can fly below our perceptual radar.

I noticed a search” tired of being bullied at work” and recalled an article I read recently in the Milwaukee Journal on  May 19, 2009 a column by  Philip Chard. Mr. Chard has a website “I am a nature therapist (a psychotherapist who uses nature interaction to foster emotional healing), a newspaper columnist, book author, nature photographer, nationally acclaimed speaker and trainer, accomplished wilderness backpacker and Great Lakes sailor.” I will link this on the sidebar.

Mental maladies have many causes, but whenever I’m assessing someone who complains of depression, anxiety, self-destructive tendencies or out-of-control anger, I always include this question:

“Have you ever been bullied?”

This inquiry may conjure images of some ruffian or gang of miscreants pounding on a smaller kid, but bullies come in many guises and operate in a variety of venues, including the workplace and, increasingly, on the Internet.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, the majority of bullying is not physical. Rather, most of it involves slander, mockery, taunting, exclusion and other forms of verbal and interpersonal abuse. While most who bully physically are male, the mental variety is distributed fairly evenly between both genders.

Research has documented the wide ranging and grave psychological damage wreaked on the victims of bullying, particularly those who are chronically picked on while young. And these wounds do not easily heal, even with time. Teens and adults who were bullied as children are at a far greater risk for developing depression, anxiety disorders, suicidal impulses and even psychotic symptoms.

Many of us think we know bullying when we see it, but in adult situations it can fly below our perceptual radar. In the workplace, it is usually termed “harassment” or “hostile environment,” and its perpetrators often demonstrate sophistication and stealth in how they single out and torment others.

This can involve behaviors such as the silent treatment, ambiguously sarcastic remarks, innuendo, glaring and subtle insults packaged as humor. These so-called passive-aggressive tactics afford their user some degree of protection, meaning if the bully gets “called out,” he or she can deny sinister intent (“I was just joking” or “You misunderstood me”).

Not surprisingly, there is evidence that workplace bullying is on the rise, in part because of the increased stress of job insecurity and “doing less with more,” which can catalyze competition, conflict and jockeying for power and recognition. So even adults who were never bullied as children may find themselves in the same interpersonal fix as that proverbial kid on the playground beset by the local goon squad.

The considerable power of bullying to wound the human spirit stems from our desire to belong and be affirmed by others, which forms the foundation of self-esteem. While children are more needy and vulnerable in this regard than many adults, these needs are basic to the vast majority of humans of all ages. After all, we are social animals.

Some of us are more sensitive in this regard than others, but most individuals craft their self-image from the feedback they receive from their social group. Repeated negative input, combined with the learned helplessness that often accompanies being victimized, can create a lasting imprint that is difficult to erase.

But make no mistake, even if fists don’t fly, bullying is an act of violence.

Its wounds, while less visible than those from physical assault, are just as severe and often harder to heal.

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Names used in this column are changed to honor client confidentiality. E-mail him at pschard@earthlink.net or visit www.philipchard.com.

I hope this helps….some.

Cyber sex case stumps parents

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
By Erin Richards
2/6/09

Since Anthony Stancl former New Berlin Eisenhower High School student was charged Wednesday facing charges for using facebook to sexually assault peers.
Stancl, 18 was charged by Waukesha County district attorney Wednesday with posing as a female on facebook, a social networking site, persuading at least 31 teenage boys from Eisenhower to send him nude photos of themselves and the threaten to release those pictures to the public unless the victims agreed to perform sex acts with him.

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
by Jacqui Seibel
2/7/09
The Waukesha County district attorney said Friday that he hopes to prosecute without having to call victims on stand……”For child victims of sexual abuse, we have to find a way so they don’t have to relive this in the courtroom,” District Attorney Brad Schilmel said.
Authorities think there was more boys but no more have come forward, the boys ages were from age 13 to 19…..about 300 photo’s were found on Stencl’s computer.
PARENTS TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN!
GET CYBER SMART!
TEENAGERS GET CYBER SMART!
REPORT CYBER SEXUAL PREDATORS THE LINKS ARE UNDER THE BLOGROLL.
STOP SENDING NUDE PHOTO’S INTO CYBERSPACE.

Report Cyberbullying and Online Sexual Predators

Smart moves

Following are tips from the National Assn. of School Psychologists on protecting your kids online, even if your own online skills lag behind theirs.

* Keep computers in easily viewable places, such as the family room or kitchen.

* Talk regularly with your children about the online activities in which they are involved and Internet etiquette in general. Children should know the rule that many adults have learned from painful experience: Do not say online what you would not say in person.

* Encourage children to be self-protective. Remind them that anything they say on the Internet or in phone text messages can be shared with others and misused. Ask them to consider if they want what they are saying and doing broadly disseminated. If not, they probably should not say or post it.

* Be specific about the risks of cyber-bullying and their need to tell you if something that bothers them occurs.

* Respect for adolescents’ privacy is important. But tell children that you may review their online communications if you have reason for concern.

* Set clear expectations for responsible online behavior and phone use and consequences for violating those expectations.

* Consider establishing a parent-child Internet use contract.

* Consider installing parental-control filtering software or tracking programs but do not rely solely on these tools.

* Be aware of warning signs that might indicate your son or daughter is being bullied, such as reluctance to use the computer, a change in the child’s behavior and mood, or reluctance to go to school.

* Document the bullying.

* Be equally alert to the possibility that your child could be bullying others online, even if unintentionally.

* Understand current local laws and your school policies. Work with your school to develop policies if they don’t exist.

* If you have concerns, contact your child’s school to enlist the help of the school psychologist, school counselor, principal or resource officer.

* File a complaint with the website, Internet service provider or cellphone company if you learn of problematic behavior.

* Contact police if the cyber-bullying includes threats.

The Congressionally mandated CyberTipline is a reporting mechanism for cases of child sexual exploitation including child pornography, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child. Reports may be made 24-hours per day, 7 days per week online at http://www.cybertipline.com or by calling 1-800-843-5678.

Boarding Schools

Assimilation policies also took the form of mandatory boarding schools, with devastating consequences that continue to reverberate today through out Indian Country. It is believed that the prevalence of Indian-on-Indian domestic and sexual violence in Native communities is rooted in the forced removal of Indian children from their homes and from their families and Tribes into religious and government-operated boarding schools.  I must add that some of the boarding schools were run by the military, for instance the Fort Totten Boarding School in North Dakota. This boarding school had grey nuns from Canada that were established on site and housed children from the age of five, forcibly taken from their families. The school it self is still standing today. Under the school is dirt sellers with bars where children were placed in solitary confinement.  Twenty inch paths from dorm to classrooms were patrolled by military on horseback carrying crops to keep children on the beaten path. Apache women had their garments adapted  (skirts) made wide and large, to attempt to hide their children from agents.

From 1879 through the 1950s,  more that 300 boarding schools across the county taught lessons of self hate, domestic and sexual abuse, gender stereotypes and patriarchal norms to Native children forced or coerced into attending the schools.

Children attending the boarding schools were not permitted to see their families, speak their own language, or follow their cultural practices or traditional religion, the children were expected to  stay for a minimum of four years.

It is believed thst the prevalence of Indian-on-Indian domestic and sexual assault in Native communities is rooted in the forced removal of Indian from their homes and from their families and tribes and into religious snd government-operated boarding schools. -Felix S. Cohen

Felix Solomon Cohen (July 3, 1907 – October 19, 1953) was a lawyer and scholar who made a lasting mark on legal philosophy and fundamentally shaped federal Indian law and policy.

Cohen was the drafter of the centerpiece legislation of this era, the 1934 Indian Reorganization Act. In 1939 he became Chief of the Indian Law Survey, an effort to compile the federal laws and treaties regarding American Indians. The resulting book, published in 1941 as The Handbook of Federal Indian Law.

The trauma suffered from boarding school survivors is expressed today in substance abuse,  suicide, domestic violence,  pedophelia, sexual assault, and being passed on to further generations.

Someone is hurting you in your school?

Type in the school name….give me an idea of how to reach you. The mail comes to my e-mail. I can help.  If your afraid and can’t go to your parents or anyone else…I will help you,  just click on this title and write in the box below….

Bullying What Is It?

This is a link to poems about bullying. http://circle.nypo.org/bully.html

If your tired of being bullied and want to make a difference this is a great site.

Bullying is not always easy to define. However, experts in the field of the prevention of bullying, says that bullying includes: Physical: Pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and other forms of violence or threats. Verbal: Name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumors, persistent teasing. Emotional: Excluding (sending to Coventry), tormenting, ridicule, humiliation. Racist: Racial taunts, graffiti, gestures. Sexual: Unwanted physical contact or abusive comments.

Emotional bullying, like ridicule and exclusion, seems to be more common than physical violence and it can also be the most difficult type of bullying to cope with or prove.

Persistent bullying can result in:
Depression – This may affect the individuals level of concentration as it involves the brain and can cause numerous problems. Low self-esteem – Where one tend to de-grade themselves as a result of being bullied. Shyness – Here individuals are embarrassed to express themselves. Poor academic achievement – Fair of attending school, which may affect individuals academic progress. Isolation – Been abandon by friends as a result of them been afraid of been bullied too. Threatened or attempted suicide – Where one feel like their is no need to carry on living.